New Leases...

I'm happy to report two new leases in my life.

1) My rental condo. I absolutely had my panties in a bunch over the fact that the current tenant in my rental condo was moving out on January 15. There was no backup plan. Nobody moving in. Nobody to pay my mortgage for me. No corporate body to wheel their little rolly suitcase into my condo and set up shop for a few months.

This had me chewing my fingernails and crying helplessly at night in the dark. I like not paying my mortgage. I like being able to put said mortgage money towards the $4,928,375,483 in collective credit card debt that My Gazelle and I have. I like the idea that I might soon make a significant enough dent in said debt within the next year that a fairly sensible mortgage agent might actually lend us enough fundage so that we can have a real house. With a real yard. And a real driveway. And our own entrance. What a treat!

So, after being on Craig's List for...oh...5,986 years, someone finally emailed me to see the condo. Since I rent the condo out fully furnished for short-term corporate leases, its pretty much a lock that as soon as the person looks at the condo, they'll rent it out. It's fully furnished, fully renovated, and beautiful. Sometimes I wish that we could somehow magically transform My Gazelle's condo into my condo, and live in my condo...but have it geographically located where My Gazelle's condo is.

So...this is why I feel that way...



Needless to say, I was pretty confident that the guy would rent it as soon as he took a look. When our first appointment fell through (his fault), I got nervous. We rescheduled, but I wasn't putting much stock in our rescheduled appointment. Just as I was ready to curl up in a ball and start sucking my thumb, I received this email:

"Hello Jogger (ok...he didn't call me this, but I like it better),

I saw your place on craiglist last week coming available in mid-
January. I'm looking to do another short term lease and wanted to
check if you've found a renter yet. Let me know if the unit is still
available.

Your Awesome First Tenant"

WOOOOOOOO!!!

I cannot explain how happy I was to hear from Awesome First Tenant. I wrote his new 4-month lease yesterday, and he moves in exactly 4 days after the current tenant moves out. He's also asked me for the option to renew for another 3 months. This, my friends, is a HUGE relief. HUGE.


2) Monday also brought me a new lease. Corny as it might be, Monday was the day when I drafted a new lease on my jogging (running?) life. As I ran, in the dark, bundled up in the 30 degree weather, dragging a terrified 30lb dog behind me, I could not stop thinking about how much joy I was feeling. I was happy to be outside, happy to be sweating, happy to be relatively pain-free, happy to be exercising with my boy, despite the fact that he was acting more like a bowling ball shackled to my waist than a running buddy on this particular trip.

I came home from my jog feeling rejuvenated, happy, and ready to tackle my next jaunt. I truly could have gone farther than the 3 miles I did, if it weren't for the fact that Psykko was completely wiggin out at that point, and I didn't want to torture him any more. I felt all of this, despite the fact that it took me 36 minutes to travel 3 miles.

I figured this wasn't a bad pace, all things considered. Next time you run, strap a 30 pound dead weight to your waist. Then let it stop to sniff things occasionally, and allow it to pee on a few hydrants along the way. Let me know how it goes.

Happy jogging!

Nikko, the Bunny Maimer

So, I actually had to look up "Maimer", just to ensure that I wasn't making up a word. Although I often make up my own words, this is not one of those times, surprisingly. "Maimer" is in fact a word, and I think I may have even used it properly. Miraculous.

Back to our show...

Due to the fact that my little Nikko is a rescued pup, there is no clear-cut explanation of what breed he is. What I know about Nikko is as follows:

1) He doesn't really like strangers, especially men.

2) He sheds little dog hair tumbleweeds all over my hard-wood floor day and night. As if it is his job. As if my sole purpose in life is to vacuum up his dog hair tumbleweeds. As if I have nothing better to do all day than vacuum dog hair tumbleweeds from behind the TV. As if I totally love picking dog hair off of my socks before putting on my shoes, lest I have dog hair tumbleweeds inside of my shoes. I'm not bitter or anything.

3) He's incredibly obedient. Well, unless faced with a strange man, or a small animal that he thinks that he might have a chance of catching and maiming. There's that word again! I might say it again too. Wait for it.

My Gazelle, whom I love for so many various reasons, thinks that point #3 is one of the coolest things about Nikko. When he takes Nikko outside and they encounter the one rogue bunny that happens to hang out in our citified condo development, he runs with Nikko on the leash so that they can try to catch the poor little helpless rogue bunny.

Poor bunny.

In a previous post, I mentioned that we brought Nikko home a little stuffed bunny that happened to look just like the poor rogue bunny that he sometimes chases outside. Well, Nikko took one look at the poor little rogue bunny impostor, and immediately wanted to cause bodily injury to it. He wanted to pull every last ounce of stuffing from the helpless little bunny...and the squeaker too. The cute little squeaker was not even safe.

Poor bunny.

He immediately dragged rogue bunny impostor to his lair. He was so proud of himself. See the little doggy smile?

Disclaimer: Please ignore the hole in the sofa cover. This is the hole that my crazy African Grey Parrot ate. Hey...it's the dog sofa. I'm not concerned.



Then he kindly warned his sister to stay the helicopter away from his bunny.



"Please stay away from my bunny?"



He was really enjoying the poor stuffed bunny.


Then Nikko proceeded to jump off of the holey dog sofa, bunny in mouth, and began his characteristic psychotic zooming back and forth, back and forth, (and back and forth) past Maya. And might I say, Maya was pissed. Can I say pissed without offending? Wait. This is my blog. So anyway, Maya was PISSED! She just studied him.

Disclaimer: Please ignore the random table in the middle of my living room. I was wrapping Christmas gifts, and it would have been way too much work to see the TV from the dining room table. I'm lazy like that.

Disclaimer #2: Ignore the random leg residing behind the table leg. It happens.


Maya just sat and watched...studied him as he jumped off the holey sofa, zoomed into the dining room...



And zoomed back over to jump back onto the holey sofa.


p.s...aren't My Gazelle's shoes so cool? I wish they made them for girls.

Soon, the inevitable happened.

Rogue stuffed bunny FELL out of Psykko's mouth.


And then, the standoff ensued.


This went on for about...oh...42 seconds. Then Psykko promptly jumped off the holey sofa and retrieved his prize.


And he was victorious, as usual. He's sort of the alpha dog around here.



And Maya just sat there, watching...very intently.



Plotting. I just know she's plotting. Because girls are smarter than boys. She'll get him someday.

This Just In...

A rogue stuffed bunny, previously seen running rampant through Target department store, was defeated by the current Stuffed-Bunny-Beat-Down Champion (SBBDC), Nikko Smithstrong!

Stay tuned to JL for the full story.

Nikko, the Natural Born Runner

This is my boy, Nikko



The Gazelle and I picked Nikko up one day from the shelter. Why do I make this sound so flip...so convenient...so EASY? Because I can only mimic the attitude of the idiot that gave our Nikko away to the shelter in the first place. It must have been easier and more convenient.

I don't really know Nikko's story...he didn't come with a "Dogfax" report like a used car, nor did he come with an instruction manual, or even a care tag like on a shirt. Much like an adopted child, Nikko is sort of like opening presents on Christmas Day...you never know what you're going to unwrap, but you're always going to smile and say "oooohhh! I love it!"

There are a lot of things I don't understand about Nikko. I don't know why he runs around like a chicken with its' head cut off at random intervals throughout the day/night, or why he can't sit still for more than 2.3 seconds at a time, or why he sometimes just wants to get up in your grill and just look at you--no licking or nuzzling--just staring. I don't know why he's terrified of the vacuum cleaner, or why he barks whenever he hears the door open in our building, or even why he feels the need to attack any strange male or small dog that comes within 20 feet of him. I can only assume that all of these quirky little characteristics are due in some part to genetics, but are also due to the effects of the life that Nikko had before he came to live with us. I don't know much about Nikko, but I love him just the same.

Despite all of my little man's innate flaws, he is a sweetie. He's a bit misunderstood, but he means well. In addition to being pretty loveable (as long as you're not a stranger, male, a dog under 20lbs, have blue hair, brown eyes, size 6.5 shoes, or speak English), I found out yesterday that Nikko is an excellent runner! Although we don't really have any clue what breed Nikko is, he appears to be a miniature (28lbs.) version of a German Shepherd. True to that breed (if that is where he comes from), he was built to run in the cold weather.

I was jealous of Nikko today, as I panted and groaned through 3.5 miles of hills and valleys in 27 degree weather. Nikko just trotted along beside me. Easily. He didn't once stick his tongue out or gasp for air. Only me. He looked like we were taking a walk in the park on a warm spring day. The wind was blowing pretty hard, and mostly against us (gotta love that), so I was pretty thankful to have Nikko there to help me drag my ass up those relentless hills.

He did get spooked by the occasional LEAF (oooohhh...scary!) as it blew by us at about 55 miles per hour. But that's just Nikko, and it was ok. I realized that if he could make it through the mental anguish of scary leaves and garbage cans rustling in the wind, then I could make it through the physical anguish of 3.5 miles of hills.

We both made it, and I have a new running buddy.

Leg Lift

Sometimes I wonder how these two little darlings can sleep as much as they do. At some point, doesn't sleep become counterproductive? They sleep for a few hours, then out of the blue, they just jump up and run around. It's quite funny really.

Speaking of funny.

I brought these two little boogers with me to the store today to pick up my 3 copies of the Sunday paper (despite the fact that the coupons are crap this week, but that's a different story). It was raining all day today, so they didn't get their normal amount of outdoor time. I threw them in the truck and off we went. They're very well-behaved in the truck, so they are allowed to ride along pretty often.

All went well on the ride to and from the store. I even took a little detour so that they could have some extra time to stick their heads out the window and drool on The Gazelle's window for 5 more minutes. He loves it when they drool on his window.

We got home, and jumped out of the truck. They both made their way over to the grassy patch next to our door...apparently the ride made them have to pee. Maya had just started taking care of business, when Nikko randomly decided to walk over, lift his leg, and pee right on my little girl! The dog who is officially a squatter (not a leg-lifter) decided to try leg-lifting out for the first time on my innocent little puppy as she was in a most vulnerable state. How rude!

I'm sure that my neighbors (we live in a little condo) were very curious to see what was going on outside as I was screaming "NIKKO! YOU CAN'T PEE ON YOUR SISTER!" It was lovely. Needless to say, Maya received an impromptu bath, and Nikko will not be allowed to stand near Maya while she pees anymore.

Oh dogs!